This week’s writing challenge couldn’t be more perfect.
“Tell us about the three things you’d most like to change about your life, and make a bold, I-don’t-care-who-knows-it-because-there’s-a-meteor-a-comin’ assertion to the world that you are going to get these changes made. And that you’ll have at least started making them happen by March. When, erm, you’re probably going to wind up as dust.”
I am a huge failure when it comes to resolutions. I start off the year with making all these different kind of resolutions about eating healthy, staying focused and keeping a track on my weight. But somehow they always backfire and within a few days the normalcy returns. So this year I’ve decided to shake things up a little with no resolutions. Instead I make a promise to myself to stay happy no matter the circumstances. And it’s no less than a Herculean task to be happy when the world around you is crumbling. I’m that person who puts herself last in the list of things to do. The world has mattered so much to me. The people in it have mattered so much to me. So much so that I’ve always been consumed by what they think of me and what they make of me. I’ve given my feelings preference only when everyone else has been catered for which has yielded nothing but disappointments galore. The point of the matter is that in my undeterred pursuit of making everyone around me happy I end up with more sorrows. I’m that person who always thought that making others happy will eventually lead me to being happy. Well most of the time it did but sometimes neglecting myself landed me in not the most ideal situations.
For years I believed this is the right way and the only way I can make things work for me. It’s now I’ve realized that no matter how much I try there’ll always be those who’d be cynical because that’s what defines them. There’ll always be those who really don’t care much when they critique or judge you for your choices because they think they know it all. Then there’ll also be those who manipulate or trick you into certain situations because they know how to get their work done. It doesn’t matter when but how the realization dawns and the path you choose there on. So this year I strive to be happy for I’ve realized the most important person that matters to me is me. My family loves me because of me and if I take away the essential part that is me I’m left with nothing but just a sham. A false pretense under which I’m maimed by my own insecurities. I’ve realized that being selfish isn’t about over stepping the boundaries and becoming heartless. It is about thinking about yourself and being happy first before you can share that happiness. So this year I strive for happiness. My own happiness. And this I don’t call my resolution but a promise I make to keep. Hopefully.