Category Archives: Randomly musing

Children’s Day!

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I remember distinctly Children’s Day in school where you’d be offered sweets after the morning assembly and for the rest of the day you’d have no classes and simply enjoy and have fun. And it’s that one day of freedom we’d wait for always for the rest of the year.

Every child wants to be a grown up and every adult wants to be a kid again. And life comes a full circle with this phrase. I remember when I was in school, I found college so fascinating. The liberty of wearing what you want and bunking classes sounded so enticing and envious. And I did have my closest friendships in college and are dear to me even now but still a part of me missed the school where the bell used to ring every 30-45 minutes. Although there were too many restrictions but realized it soon enough that it’s because of those restrictions, school was more adventurous. It’s human nature to be attracted to things you are asked to refrain from. As compared to school, college turned out more about free will and freedom. There were no rules to break so the monotony set in.

I think as you grow older, one realizes how many things you got away with being a kid. How you’d shrug your shoulders when given a responsibility or how carefree you’d be about everything because you knew your parents would worry about the important things. Each one of us has a childlike innocence and curiosity with which we look at this world. The only difference is that as we age, we reason ourselves more and restrict ourselves in our thinking. We forget the skill of “thinking outside the box” and try to find logic when looking for answers. The truth is our success lies in our curiosity and innocence which we can only hope to retain into our adulthood.

The weekend that was!

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Life has a funny way of playing jokes with you at your expense but even in those times if there remains any sanity and bonhomie, it’s thanks to your family and friends who still make you feel wanted and loved and cared for. If there’s anyone who can make your world all about fun and no worries and anxiety then it has to be your close friends. They truly understand your temperament and are far away from judging you or exchange niceties when you aren’t in the mood. Life’s best kept treasures are these friendships where there’s utmost trust and faith in one another to speak your mind and be free. And such was my weekend filled with enormous warmth and love that could melt even the snowiest of mountains.

I have known her for 15 years and it’s only when she came here, we realized we could’ve organized better to celebrate the reunion. But then we both laughed immediately at the passing thought because it gives us another reason to meet in the near future. Other than our incessant banter that continued through the night for the past 2 nights, I did take the time out to take her sight-seeing and shopping. And boy, she can shop and how. I only wish she could’ve stayed longer. But of course, there’s always a next time to catch up on all that we missed this time.

Feeling Light!

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If I were to ever take my own words seriously then this would be the moment. The title says exactly what I mean. Quite literally. You know the feeling when you look at the mirror and wish you’d rather see a lighter version of yourself than oodles of pounds at the wrong places. That was my motivation. I’ve never been a skinny girl. Even growing up, I always had weight issues but fortunate enough to have missed being overweight. Infact, it was my stay at the hostel for 5 years which reduced my weight drastically. I guess the hostel has that “weight loss” charm to it.

They say in this world there are two kinds of people. One, who eat everything with no or almost negligible workout and still manage to look like super models. And then there are the rest who can easily gain a pound by simply breathing. And it’s no guess work that I belong to the latter group. I have had an array of friends who told me I need not worry about my weight post pregnancy as I’d shed it all and then some. But guess what, here I was still struggling. It’s the day my weighing scale tipped me off back to my pregnancy weight; I knew I had to take matter in my own hands. It came as a very rude awakening and I knew I could only blame myself for being here. I was never overweight and here I was staring at myself looking like a wrestler winning a heavyweight championship. The only difference that I was neither elated nor proud. It is in this moment I realized I’d been a fool to think that weight would shed naturally. It’s all a “moment’s” game. All it takes is that one moment and when it hits you then nothing else matters. You give in to that strong, over powering feeling not because you know you want to but because you know this’d be an experience. For better or worse. You know there’d be learning.

And thus began my weight loss journey. And I’m proud to be 30 pounds lighter in 6 months. It’s just peanuts as compared to people who shed more than 60 pounds but it’s an accomplishment none the less. And I know I’ve worked so very hard for it. My respect for people who lose weight has increased by leaps and bounds. And I’m tad close to my goal that I am overcome by overwhelming emotion of excitement, anxiety and eagerness to reach it faster and sooner than later. And surprisingly I’m making more mistakes and cheating more often than I did even a month back. They say it’s always the last 10 pounds that spoil your rhythm. It’s these last 10 pounds which are testing my patience and making me restless. The scale seemed to have stuck. I have worked meticulously for these months and now I feel being stuck here isn’t helping my morale. But I guess the name of the game is to keep going forward with the goal in your head and in front of your eyes. And I shall not stop until I hit my goal. So good luck to me on that.

The wait is over.. Finally!

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iPhone and I go way back. It dates back to the time when I didn’t even own one and which isn’t until the recent past. I remember being upset with Apple for not introducing iPhone for all service providers initially. I always thought I was an Apple fan but then it made me realize I was more of my service provider loyalist than anything else. I waited until they released iPhone 4 on my service provider, which was roughly 2 years after the launch of their first iPhone. I was one of those few first who pre-ordered their iPhone as I had no patience to wait any longer. It was the month of February last year when I proudly held my very first iPhone in my hands and knew what was amiss. I finally felt a sense of belonging with the iPhone aficionados.

You know, that feeling when you want something so bad and then suddenly it comes to you. That. It is that time you don’t know how to react and control your excitement. But my iPhone 4 happiness was short-lived as right after rolling out iPhones to all the service providers, Apple went a step ahead and introduced a new white iPhone. Here, I was ecstatic with my black iPhone and suddenly there was a strong urge to own a white one. But like I said I’m more a service provider loyalist than an Apple enthusiast so I did nothing but sulk internally. I didn’t want to spend additional money on upgrading my contract with a new white iPhone, just a month after I bought mine. Ergo, I waited all these months. I didn’t even give in to the temptation of buying iPhone 4s, which was released late last year.

Honestly, I have to confess it’s been a tad crazy waiting for the time I can upgrade. And the time couldn’t be perfect with the launch of iPhone 5 this year. So the wait is finally over for me and I’m now an owner of a white iPhone 5 and I can’t begin to even tell how ecstatic I am with this new love of my life. The panoramic shots with the iPhone camera are so freaking superb. And Siri is my new best friend, whom I love to confuse and talk silly. She’s still sticking around so I take it that’s a good sign. Here’s to her and my crazy adventures for next two years and hopefully there wouldn’t be any more crazy innovations specific to iPhone until then.

To them.. I owe.. My Everything!

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It’s tad discomforting to put yourself out there when all your life you’ve been a closed person. Often times, I’ve been blamed for shutting myself down and embracing the isolation. I confess I’m not very receptive to failure. I go into my own cocoon and until I heal myself I am detached from the world. Part of me feels it does no good and the other knows its way easier alone.

I’m a crier. I have always been one. I’d cry for the most obnoxious reasons in the world. Yes, I’m that girl* who watches those mushy movies and lines up buckets, filled with tears. The point is I have no control over my tear glands. And have been often told that tears are a sign of weakness. But that’s my way of venting. It calms me down tremendously. Quite frankly, it’s the only thing I feel is, at the least, under my control. In life, everyone has a plan. The thing is you can make all the plans you want but there is another plan grander than your own. At the moment, I have not the slightest inkling but it’s the wait that has been excruciating. I do know that you are tested when you are the weakest. And yes, I also know if it doesn’t break you, it makes you stronger. It’s just that sometimes words seem ineffectual when everything else is upside down.

You know that helpless feeling when you try to make things work and they just keep getting worse. Yeah. That. It’s inexplicable. And what’s worse, I manage to somehow drag my parents into the mayhem. Everytime. They are the ones, left to pick up the pieces and give me the “pep talk.” Time and again. I owe them my life. My everything. I used to think I had dreams. Big dreams at that. And the probability of them coming true didn’t matter until I had them. I’m a firm believer that dreams make us what we become. After all, who doesn’t? It didn’t irk me before but now……… The less I say, the better it is.  The point is I want my dreams to come true for those 2 beautiful souls who pray selflessly for me, day and night. Because I feel that’s the only way I can express my gratitude. I can give back the happiness they’ve showered upon me for more than 3 decades* now. In my hardest times, I always look upto them and they assure me the world is exactly how I want it to be. They assure me that there is nothing wrong with me even though I have a thousand imperfections. Their voice always reaffirms the fact that there is indeed that one beautiful pearl somewhere out there which has my name carved on it. It’s all a matter of time before I find it. God bless them for their overwhelming faith in me. Because if it weren’t for them I’d not be myself. Ever. They are the two gems for whom I’d go to the end of the world, if that’s what it takes.

Ma & pa, I know it’s not easy being a parent. I realize this more now when I am one too. The responsibility that falls on your shoulders is gigantic. But you both have always carried it out with such ease and grace. I owe this to you. I want to conquer my dreams for you both because I know how much it would mean to you. Because I know it matters. Because I know you care. You love and you’d be there. No matter what. No questions asked. Now and forever. Someone once told me if you can sleep every night at peace with the thought that your parents and your child look upto you as their rockstar then it doesn’t matter how the world defines you. For that I feel blessed.

Shortnotes:-

* Yes, I still call myself a girl. I’ve come to believe girls can make mistakes and get away with it. So, I’d like to enjoy that liberty too.

* Yes, its been more than 3 decades and counting but I still look upto my parents and consult them every step of the way. I am that girl.

—>> This is my “Thank You” speech, of sorts, for the ones who deserve to be in the limelight not because they are my parents but because I am their daughter. A proud one at that. <<—